My brain is fuzzy. Though it may be fuzzy I know this, God is faithful.
Okay so that was a bad opening. I blame it on the fuzzy brain. God is still faithful though, bad opening or not. This is a truth I have had to learn and relearn and be reminded of time and time again. I have been especially reminded of it over the past few days. This is what has kept me from posting on here in a while. I was learning lessons. From God. (Can’t argue with that.)
The last few days have been ones of inner testing for me. Of truly facing fears. Why? Oh you know nothing big just finished my book. I FINISHED MY BOOK! I know right! I couldn’t believe it either. In fact I had to sit there for a moment and stare at my screen. Until finally the truth sunk in, it is finished. Well the 1st draft is anyway. I am now editing and soon will pass it on to trusted advisors and from there to a copy-editor. From there…..
And this is where the lesson comes in. All weekend long I was fretting. Doubting. What if it isn’t good? What if it isn’t long enough? What if people don’t read it? What if people do read it and think a troll wrote it? What if no one wants to publish it? What if? What if? What? If? My mind wouldn’t stop. All I could do was what if.
It was stealing my joy. This was a huge moment. A year in the making. I wanted to relish it. To celebrate and praise God but all the doubting was raining on my parade. Until finally I laid it down. God showed me the silly, annoying doubting voice and I told it to go to…well you get the picture. Still I think a little part of me doubted. Doubted anything would come of all this.
It was the very next day when God showed my, ye of little faith heart, He is still and forever will be faithful. A friend on Facebook sent a message in which she told me she had woken up that morning thinking of me. Later in the day she saw my post about my book and it reminded her she had a dream the night before of me. At a book signing. She said in the dream I was classy, sophisticated, and successful. I couldn’t believe it! To me it was God saying loud and clear “Ashley, everything is going to be okay. Do not worry. I got this.”
In moments like this I am always reminded of the verse in 2 Timothy chapter 2 “If we are faithless He will remain faithful for He cannot disown Himself.” (vv. 13) No matter how much we are doubting or questioning or lacking in our faith, God will still be there. He will still provide, answer, and take care of it all. He is faithful to us even when we are not to Him. It is His very nature. It says in the verse “…He cannot disown Himself.” He IS faithfulness. It isn’t something He does, He is the actual state of being faithful.
I am not saying we should run around faithless, not practicing or working on building our faith. I am saying it is comforting to know when our faith does falter and we do have trouble bolstering our hearts to believe. God will be there. Faithful as always and from His act of faith we can take heart. We can know whatever it is, it will be okay. We can walk. Shoulders back and head held high. Knowing His faith will carry us where we need to go.