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Dream on Dreamer.

To be honest with you all right now the only reason in the entire world I am posting this blog post is strictly because I needed to post a blog post. I have no fashion or love your body advice for you right now. I have no witty comments or reasons why I wore this outfit (well besides the fact that I liked it and it’s flowy and I was about to consume copious amounts of food and beverages).

To be honest I am walking through a season of depression. For me depression equals no motivation to do life in any way what so ever. Like zero life. Like I would rather be lying in bed thinking about nothing. Doing nothing. Feeling nothing.

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To be honest I have this relationship thing going on with a God who asks (aka makes) me to do things in the very moments and times I want to do nothing at all. When I would rather allow my depression to draw me down deep into its pit God nudges, pokes, prods, pushes me into choosing something different.

To be honest the choosing of God’s way over what has (sadly) become comfortable for me aka the nothingness of depression is HARD. I will repeat it is HARD. Some times I do well at my choices and sometimes I suck at them. Choosing to get up, put on this outfit, go out with my friends, take pictures, and write a post was one time I choose to say, “No I won’t let this depression win.”

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To be honest here is what I want to say to all of you, you are not alone and you can do this. More of us than not have battled and struggled with depression. I have pretty much my whole life so I get it. I know how badly it hurts. The oppressive burden of feeling nothing for anything. The weight of wanting to do and wanting to care but the exhaustion that comes from caring. I am with you.

To be honest I HATE it when people say things to those battling depression like “oh come on snap out of it” or “Just be happy” or “You’re just sad you’ll get over it.” Please hear me out—this is not what I am saying to you at all. What I am saying is this, I am sick of depression stealing huge chunks of my life. So I have decided that I don’t want to allow it to do so anymore. And like I said earlier sometimes I am a profesh at this and sometimes the total absolute worst. But I would rather attempt to try and fail than fail by not even trying.

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To be honest the way I try is simple but on some days during a depression it can be like facing down a rabid monkey whose banana you just stole. I make a of list of things that I like. Yup. That’s it. A list of things I like and then (wait for it) I attempt to do the things on the list. My list usually looks like this: Exercise (it gives endorphins which Elle Woods taught us make us happy), read, write (things I like writing not what people expect me to write), PUT THE BREAD OF LIFE (AKA THE WORD OF GOD) IN ME, listen to worship music.

That’s it. That’s what I do. It’s simple but I have tried it the last two times I have been depressed and you know what? I wasn’t in them nearly as long as before. Now please don’t take this as sound advice from a doctor. Depression effects everyone differently and YOU need to do what helps YOU. I just want YOU to know you are not alone and to be honest sometimes that is all we need to hear.

 

*Update: This post was written a few weeks ago and since them (because I actually choose to do what I wrote about in the next to last paragraph) I am not currently lost in the abyss of nothingness also known as depression.

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Photo Cred: The Halavah Floyd.

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2 Comments

  • Reply Havalah

    <3 you!

    July 1, 2016 at 9:20 am
    • Ashley
      Reply Ashley

      Love you too friend! Thank you for reading :0)

      July 7, 2016 at 1:37 pm

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